Day 10: Disappointment, and unfunny blogs.

Well the morning started out GREAT!  My little munchkin woke me up at 6:30 and got in bed with me, until her heard his papa was up and getting ready for work.  In the dark and quiet house all you could hear is "papa?  paaappaaaa!"  In the most sweet quiet little voice :)  I love those little buggers so much!  The morning continued to go well when i stepped on the scale to read a number that i havent seen in months (maybe even a year).  246!  That it only 7 more lbs from being back in the 30's...well the 230's haha, but hey its progress and i am ecstatic.  Looking back on all the mean things that people have said to me about how i am fat, instead of being depressed about it and gaining MORE weight, i am using it as motivation.  I am going to get skinny and make "them" eat their words.  Mostly Dick.  He called me unrecognizably fat and a lot of other horribly awful things, but instead of making me sad, i am PISSED.  I am going to get healthy, and cute, and knock his socks off, and then the ONLY thing that he can do is regret having ever treated me the way that he did.  Anyways, my point is, if you are an emotional eater like me, try and harness that energy into something useful.  Turn it into fuel that you can use to burn off those calories and show them up!...but then that is often easier said than done, like for instance tonight.

I did good on my eating today, until tonight.  I have had a lot on my mind.  I want so badly to be done with school, and to have a house.  I want a real family, and i want to make more beautiful babies.  I want to be able to help people, and not just medically (i am going for my RN)!  I want to be able to help other women in situation like mine.  I have my parents to help me so that i am able to go to college and have a real career, but there are sooo many people that dont have that type of support.  Anyways, the fact that i am not there yet is depressing.  I am already 22 years only, my boys are almost 2!  All i can think about it how they are going to be like 8 before i can give them a real home.  And even longer before i can help other people.  alright i will stop beating around the bush.  I was depressed, and hungry...you do the math.  And for those of you "math challenged" that equals PIZZA!  yes depression + hunger = pizza....  BUT can i just say that there IS a difference this time.  Usually when i cheat on a diet, i give up.  I start to eat more and more unhealthy until i am back to where i started.  But this time, i am going to brush it off and start fresh in the morning.  I am not going to starve myself all day tomorrow cause i ate some pizza (and possibly a bread stick), but i am going to eat a normal healthy amount, and continue on like nothing happened.  With that being said, i am still extremely disappointed in my decision to indulge in the cheesy madness.  Well anyways, there's that.  And i think my body is about to punish me for my bad decisions.  "hello toilet, i think we are going to become close friends tonight..."